Ayahuasca, the sacred grandmother
This blog is a personal account of my own experience with Ayahuasca as part of my shamanic path. I do not offer plant medicine ceremonies or facilitate Ayahuasca experiences. If you feel called to this path, please seek an experienced, reputable curandero or retreat centre with strong integration support.
Today marks a year since the day I met Grandmother (abuela) Ayahuasca for the first time. It was on the Lion's Gate portal—a day like today. We didn't know, we didn't plan it. It just happened.
I am Peruvian-born and knew about Ayahuasca, but it never called to me while I lived in Lima. Back then, my life was very westernised. I learned about Peruvian history at school, the cultures, the Quechua language. I always loved my culture but it didn't hold a deep meaning for me at the time.
I remember being 12 years old when I first went to Cusco with my family and felt a deep familiarity with the land and a love for the mountains.
It took me more than 20 years to truly recognise my path and reconnect with the indigenous in me. That remembrance was thanks to Abuela Ayahuasca.
If you don't know what Ayahuasca is, or it feels scary because of the purging stories you've heard, or you think it's strange or too out there. I get it. I used to feel the same way. So let's dive in.
What exactly is Ayahuasca?
Ayahuasca is a word that originates from the Quechua language, where aya means "spirit" or "soul," and huasca means "vine" or "rope." So the term can be translated as "vine of the soul" or "spirit vine."
We call Ayahuasca the "Grandmother" (abuela in spanish) because in indigenous traditions she is the mother of all plants, the spirit of it all. She is the sacred plant mother and the counterpart of Grandfather Mapacho, Sacred Tobacco.
Ayahuasca is a powerful plant-based brew traditionally used by indigenous tribes in the Amazon for spiritual and healing purposes. It is made from a combination of two primary plants:
1 . Banisteriopsis caapi:
The vine, often referred to as the "ayahuasca vine." It contains compounds known as MAO inhibitors (MAOIs), which are crucial for the brew's psychoactive effects.
2 . Psychotria viridis (or sometimes other plants like Diplopterys cabrerana):
This plant contains dimethyltryptamine (DMT), a powerful hallucinogenic compound. On its own, DMT is not orally active because it is broken down by enzymes in the stomach. However, when combined with the MAO inhibitors from the vine, the DMT becomes orally active leading to the profound visionary experiences associated with Ayahuasca.
The combination of these two plants creates a brew that has been used for centuries in shamanic rituals, spiritual healing, and personal growth. It is a dark brew, bitter, a little thick. To me it tastes like the earth.
Mark Fox/Getty Images
The experience of drinking Ayahuasca is deeply personal and unique to each individual. Drinking this medicine can lead to intense visions, emotional insights, and a sense of connection to the spiritual realm, making it a central element in many Amazonian indigenous cultures. Today Ayahuasca is available in many different countries, but to me the real experience is travelling to Peru, either to the Sacred Valley in Cusco or to the Amazon rainforest, for a true cultural immersion.
Something very important to note is that Ayahuasca ceremonies happen at night, in the dark. This minimises external distractions and sensory input, allowing participants to turn fully inward. Many indigenous cultures believe that the night is a time when the veil between the physical and spiritual worlds is thinner making it easier to connect with spirits, ancestors, and otherworldly energies. This aligns with the purpose of the ceremony, which often involves seeking spiritual guidance, healing, and insight.
Why is it important to cleanse your body to receive the medicine?
I will explain it this way. We humans are made of three distinct parts:
1 . Our mind
The air element, the ego, the character we play every day in this reality. It begins to shape from the minute we are born, receiving input from culture, family, and environment. By the time we are adults we have been shaped into who we are with patterns, belief systems, and everything that becomes us. For many, Ayahuasca will go beyond the mind and you will see the real you before your mind was conditioned by culture, society, and environment. This is the well-known ego death, or rupture experience.
2 . Our soul
The fire element, what makes us alive and feel emotions. It's that light in our eyes that shines when we are laughing and dims when we are not in a good place. It's our true essence, our wisdom, our true nature.
3 . Our body
The earth element, vehicle, the suit we wear. I like to call it the vehicle because it is how our soul manifests in this reality. It's also the vessel through which we receive medicine. So if your vessel is half full (or completely full) of other substances, a poor diet, preparing your nervous system—through rest, clean food, and stillness—is as important as preparing your mind and spirit., Ayahuasca is going to work on cleansing your body during the ceremony itself. But if you have followed a diet and slowly cleared your vessel, and approached this practice with the reverence it requires, the medicine will work more deeply with you. Your experience can be profoundly different.
(If you were wondering, the water element is in our blood, our sweat, tears, water in our body).
Photo by Tiago de la Luz
My first ceremony
During the retreat I attended at Apu Healing, we sat in two Ayahuasca ceremonies. I had no expectations going in. I didn't research too much because I didn't want to project anything onto the experience. I was open, and I kept repeating to myself: I surrender to whatever will happen here.
What happened was the most intense and profound shift in my consciousness, my life, and the way I understood my human experience.
My first ceremony was very intense. I knew it would be. Part of my intention was ancestral healing—to heal the women in my lineage and heal my womb. I was ready. That was why I had come.
I spent a good part of the first hours in the bathroom. Yes, that was it.
I was purging deeply, energetically and physically releasing so much that I had been carrying, much of which was not even mine. I'm not sure how long I was in the bathroom. It felt like eons. My friends at the retreat said it was about an hour. Others said 40 minutes. I will never really know. I will always be grateful for one of the facilitators, that stood outside the bathroom and supported me during that experience.
After the purge finished, I went back to the sacred space and from then on, my journey was one of remembrance. Of past lives, ancestors, and divine purpose. I saw my whole life played out in front of me. I saw myself as a starseed incarnating on Earth, feeling disappointed with what I was perceiving, and wanting to leave.
I saw every time Pachamama called me, and every time I dismissed the call. I saw myself struggling with fertility issues and suffering but now understanding that it was all part of a bigger plan, that my whole life had been orchestrated for a higher purpose.
I know not everyone has vivid visions and deep introspection the way I do. But for me it was a journey through lifetimes, family, stars, nature and beyond this reality.
My second ceremony
My second ceremony was pure bliss.
I didn't purge. I didn't go to the bathroom. My husband, who also attended the same retreat told me afterwards that I was sitting upright, gently swaying back and forth for six hours, smiling and crying. My second ceremony was sacred, full of deep conversations with the plants, with the creator, and with my galactic origin.
When I returned to NYC after the retreat in Peru, I struggled to integrate. And even a year later, I was still integrating the lessons. Grandmother Ayahuasca and her guidance were the reasons I created The Light Arts, my multipassion business.
What I learnt during this experience and the lessons were the reason I reconnected with the indigenous within me. It was the beginning of a profound spiritual awakening, years before I had a second one. Since then my channel has expanded, my perception has shifted. I changed my lifestyle. And today I do what I do.
What I learnt and recommend
I would never have imagined that a plant medicine ceremony was going to shift so much in me. Attending a ceremony with sacred plants is a deeply humbling practice that deserves respect and integrity.
Integration is the most important part. Many people seek more medicine or more ceremonies trying to find answers, when in reality you need to wait and integrate what you have already received in your soul, your mind, and your body. Matter, 3D reality—our reality takes time to catch up.
Choose wisely. If you feel called to attend a ceremony, make sure it is with someone who offers support before and after someone with great integrity, an open heart, and a deep understanding of the sacredness of this practice, it’s history and is devoted to their work.
Remember that you are your own medicine. Ayahuasca will allow you to travel to the depths of your soul and face your darkness—if you allow it. For many it feels like a scary realm, the unknown. But only by facing your darkness and following your heart will you ignite your light.
Always remember, you are your own medicine. Everything you are looking for lies already within you.
Photo by Tiago de la Luz
Ayahuasca was the catalyst to set me on this path but the integration is where the real work lives. If you feel called to explore energy healing, shamanic initiation, or womb healing as part of your own journey, I'd love to walk alongside you.
