What is a spiritual awakening? The Dark Night of the Soul, the stages and signs you're in one
Over the years I have come to understand that when we are born as humans, we carry a specific blueprint—a plan of sorts that our soul or higher self has orchestrated to unfold over the length of our life. I believe that when someone diverts from that plan and their specific purpose in this lifetime, situations will arise to make us pivot and return to the original path. Especially if you are someone with a specific set of lessons and purpose to fulfil in this lifetime.
Call it whatever you want. When cosmic consciousness, God, the Universe, Spirit, your higher self wants you to awaken to your true divine self, it can happen at any moment in your life.
We are infinite beings having human experiences
Before you read on, keep something in mind—you are not a human experimenting with life on Earth.
You are an infinite being having a human experience.
When you are born you have the full potential of being a manifesting machine: A pure light spiritual being on Earth. But from the minute you are born, the programming starts. By your parents and their cultures, by school, by friends, by society, by the city where you were born, by the media and so on for your whole existence. You create a personality, a character, to survive in the world, and when you awaken you realise that all that time, all that programming, has been blocking you from truly thriving.
So let me ask you—what happened to the infinite being and the full potential?
What is a spiritual awakening?
It is usually triggered by a specific situation, an extremely hard experience. My awakening was triggered by fertility and womb issues. I feel now that my soul had wanted to reconnect with me for years and I just kept ignoring it, because of my deeply rooted ego and conditioning.
It is possible to experience a spiritual awakening over a period of weeks, months, or even years. Mine lasted a few years and came in waves and cycles. For some it is quick and intense. I didn't even know I was going through one until a friend suggested it and I looked it up online.
You can find hundreds—if not thousands—of entries online about spiritual awakenings. Testimonials of people going through one, stories of personal journeys. And do you know what the only common denominator is?
Every single experience is different and unique.
Just like we are all different and unique.
The bottom line is that your soul will find a way of letting you know that something is changing in you. Something will happen in your life—an event that will mark you. Suddenly what used to make you happy and excited no longer does. You start noticing that conversations with friends feel different. You feel different. You may feel isolated. It feels like the meaning of life is… meaningless.
I remember wanting to find the magic formula—Tell me what to do and I will do it! Whatever it takes so this confusion stops! That was me.
During your life you may have a few opportunities to awaken, and you might miss them all. That is okay, there is no right or wrong. What you do with any of this is totally up to you.
After all we have free will.
What is the ‘Dark Night of the Soul’?
As Eckhart Tolle describes it, the dark night of the soul is:
"A collapse of a perceived meaning in life… an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. The inner state in some cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression. Nothing makes sense anymore, there's no purpose to anything."
In summary—the dark night of the soul is triggered by some external event, some kind of disaster on an external level. And it is an essential part of the spiritual awakening journey. Every spiritual journey is cyclical, and when things reach their lowest point, we call it the dark night of the soul.
It doesn't have a clear starting date or finishing date—it is more of a convoluted web of experiences, like a roller coaster of emotions. It may feel like an existential crisis brought on by intense pain caused by something you have no control over. This could be the death of someone you love, a divorce, a betrayal, health problems, job loss, and so on.
My story—When everything fell apart
Oh boy… it was hard.
Up until my early-thirties I was reaching my goals—with hard work, but I was on my path. I had migrated to Australia, built an amazing career as an art director and corporate creative designer in Sydney, had an incredible life partner by my side, and a busy and fun lifestyle. Then life sent us a massive curveball that made me question my own existence—and no, I'm not being dramatic.
The fertility issues started as we decided to have children. Six months passed, eight months, a year, and nothing. Doctors didn't know why it was not working for us. We were doing everything "right" and still nothing. No explanation, no reason. To science we were perfectly healthy. Only years later did I understand that my body was screaming inside and I had no idea.
The year that marked my spiritual awakening was the year my old ego started to collapse, the start of my journey of self-investigation and later transformation.
The dark night of the soul felt like I was living two lives. I was great at work, great with family and friends but at home, it was sadness. The minute I returned home and be with ‘me’; everything would crawl back on me. I felt hopeless. The life I thought I was going to have was evaporating month by month, and we didn't even know why.
The fertility issues made me question everything: Do we really want children? What if it never happens? What would people say? What do we tell family? And then the wave of dark emotions: shame, guilt, sadness, frustration, numbness, and anger would crawl back on me like a dark stain.
The strange thing was I was very aware of what was happening but I could not control it and I didn't understand it. Slowly my ego started shifting, the character I was playing was out of its comfort zone, and I started to question everything. I started reading like crazy, learning about neuroscience, because at that point I needed to understand what was happening to me.
Then in 2020 the world stopped. And I know it was the hardest time for many but for me it was the best thing that could have ever happened. No more parties, birthdays, or baby showers. No more questions. Just silence.
It felt like a relief to just focus on myself, my plants, and my own journey.
I'm not sure exactly when or how, but I started noticing I was interested in different things. Even the career I had loved all my life now felt meaningless. I wanted something different. I started doing Dr. Joe Dispenza’s meditations and learnign about his work—and that's when things took a different level.
The first sign was the word family. Every time we went through a treatment that didn't work, that word would come to my mind. My intuition was starting to awaken—it was like a voice in my head, but I wasn't sure where it was coming from. I thought I was going crazy. In my desperation for answers I noticed that every time I asked the Universe for guidance, it gave me a tiny piece of the puzzle. It was a deeply confusing time in my life.
Then my wombcame to my awareness every time. I perceived that my womb was a big piece of this puzzle. To science it was perfectly normal, but I knew energetically there was more to it.
Next came the dreams. I started having dreams with women, with my ancestors—stories that were not mine but felt so familiar. One in particular felt like it was me: a woman who had lost her two children, a boy and a girl, who drowned in orange water. I saw it happening and felt her pain. When I woke up I was in tears. It took four years for me to fully understand that story—and the full circle closed.
That woman was guiding my healing.
I'm not sure how long the dark night of the soul lasted for me. With any awakening process, the timeline is never clear—it is made of a web of situations, changes, little deaths, learnings, realisations, and even moments of bliss.
One thing was clear in my mind. I was determined to find the truth. To find my truth.
My parents and even my husband said to me—Why do you keep going? What do you think you will find? It seems so hard. I didn't know what I was going to find. I just knew I was getting close, and I was going to keep going.
Only when I surrendered, when I said I want to go deeper, I want to heal not only myself but anyone involved in my story—did the real signs and situations start to materialise. When the smoke started to lift and the realisation part of my awakening began.
I understood that all the time I had been looking for external answers, for people to help me, I was actually learning something and integrating information. Without thinking I was rewiring my own brain.
It took me a really long time to understand that the real change was within me.
I realised my body was the key and the portal.
I was my own medicine.
The five stages of a spiritual awakening
This is not a linear process. In my experience it is a spiral or a network that keeps shifting and changing—you will return to certain areas of your life as you keep evolving and transforming. Your process might look like: 1, 2, 3, 3, 4, 5, 3, 4, 5, 5, 2, 4, 5. Just enjoy the process.
1. Confusion
You may be going on with your life according to the patterns and beliefs you were taught, and it's all going great. Then suddenly the plot of your story changes drastically. Something happens that shakes you to your core. You feel different, you fall into a deep confusion, you may feel hopeless or even hit rock bottom.
2. Separation
You are in a dark place. You start vibrating low—fear, sadness, anxiety, judgment, depression, even shame may cross your mind. This doesn't happen all at once. It comes and goes like the ocean, with its own rhythm. You could be at a party having a great time and suddenly you just want to go home. What you used to love is no longer that exciting. The person you used to be is changing.
3. Ego Death
You may start to seek information, books, a community, a guide, a spiritual practice. You feel drawn to spiritual teachers. You realise the person you are is not who you want to be. Your ego, created since the minute you were born, does not like change. Change is uncomfortable. Something in you is dying and that is exactly as it should be.
4. Realisation
You start to see the light. You know you are different, you have changed, and you see life for what it really is. You may transform your life, like I did or have a new purpose. You may change jobs, change friendships. You vibrate higher. You have information and knowledge and you want to share it. You may still have questions and feel confused but at least you can see the light at the end of the tunnel with a clear sky now.
5. Integration and Bliss
The ego is rapidly dissolving and a new being is being born. You are no longer only thinking about yourself—now you ask How can I be of service? How can I use my new knowledge to help others? You understand that you are one with nature, one with something greater and bigger. Your energy centres are open, you are aligned with cosmic consciousness, and you have a new purpose.
How do you know you're in the awakening process?
If you say yes to three or more of the below, you are most likely transforming. Welcome to the New Earth. 🙏
✅ Your ego starts to collapse. What was once fun no longer is. You find new interests. You want to change and that feels scary and strange. You ask yourself—What is happening to me?
✅ What you thought was the meaning of life… is no longer that.
✅ You have a deep sense of meaninglessness.
✅There's no purpose to anything.
✅ You may feel isolated.
✅ You may feel like you are going crazy because your emotions change by the day.
✅ You may feel depressed but you are not really, just very unmotivated.
✅ You find new interest in the universe, past lives, healing techniques, inner-child work, or ancestral healing. You want to know more. You are drawn to the mysteries of life.
✅ You may want change but have no idea where to start.
✅ You have a strange feeling that something is coming, something is about to shift.
✅ Your dreams become vivid, strange, and hyper-realistic, full of symbolism and messages. Journal everything.
✅ You start noticing repeated numbers or synchronicities that no one around you seems to be seeing.
What can you learn from this?
Every spiritual journey is cyclical, with its own ups and downs. When things reach their lowest point, we call it the dark night of the soul. It is never easy, but it is always purposeful.
The dark night of the soul doesn't have a clear start or end date. It is a web of experiences, emotions, and realisations—a roller coaster that has its own rhythm.
You may become curious and drawn to spiritual teachers and practices during this time.
You will slowly start to notice connections, messages, and signs all around you.
At some point it may feel like you are reaching a breaking point—the darkest time of your life.
Remember: there is always light at the end of the tunnel. You will start to find your inner light, your truest self, the most authentic you. And the same unexpected way it began, it will reach an end—and you will rise from the ashes.
